The Importance of Death Doulas and End-of-Life Care and Companionship

There have been occasions in my life when people thanked me for being open and honest—direct, yet full of compassion and empathy. It’s something I value deeply in others as well. It’s not cold or underhanded—it’s a faster road to acceptance when time is of the essence. Of course, acceptance is hard when everything in us—humans, animals, plants—is wired to survive.

Death happens to all living things. We shouldn’t dwell on it or fear it, but we should have a healthy relationship with it. Knowing that death will happen to each of us keeps us motivated. As children, it feels distant. As we age, we encounter reminders that it is closer than we’d like—and ideally, that awareness helps us appreciate life more fully.

Every friend, coworker, and loved one who passes reminds us that time is precious. Death reminds us there are people to love, places to go, conversations to have, and everyday moments to cherish. Life is made up of simple, meaningful opportunities.

One of my favorite sayings is, “We have not yet met all the people who we will love or who will love us in return.” Even in our final breaths, we may still connect with someone who brings us comfort.

Planning Ahead

When we or someone we love receives news of an illness that shortens our life expectancy, we often feel unprepared. Thinking about the end of our lives is not something most people like to do while they’re busy living. But it’s important to make plans when we are of sound mind—plans that can change if needed, but that reduce the stress of urgent decisions in times of crisis.

What is a Death Doula?

The term “Death Doula” originated in the 1990s, following the earlier term “Birth Doula” from the 1980s. Just as birth doulas help mothers bring new life into the world, death doulas help individuals prepare to leave it. A doula guides and supports the dying and their families—helping them create end-of-life plans, legacy projects, funeral arrangements, and disposition choices (e.g., cremation, terramation, burial).

We also assist with visitation plans, help facilitate staying at home comfortably, and recommend both holistic comfort measures (like reiki, massage, or meditation) and coordination with hospice for medical support. While not medical professionals ourselves, death doulas work alongside clinical staff to support each person's unique journey.

How Death Doulas Support Families

Death doulas provide physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual support to the dying and their caregivers. We’re here to hold space, offer insight, or simply help lighten the emotional or logistical load that families face.

We help foster moments of closure, gratitude, and legacy—serving as neutral, trusted companions in deeply personal processes. We may help craft letters, record stories, organize estate wishes, or just listen without judgment when someone needs to share their thoughts, regrets, or secrets.

With nearly two decades of direct patient care experience, I’ve learned to navigate complex family dynamics, honor personal autonomy, and recognize the value of planning. Ensuring someone’s wishes are known long before they’re needed can help reduce the conflict and confusion that often arise in times of grief.

A Doula's Role Starts Before Death—and Continues After

A doula’s work begins long before someone dies—months or even years in advance. You don’t need a terminal illness to benefit from end-of-life planning. None of us knows what tomorrow holds, so preparing now allows you to live more fully and with peace of mind.

This support also continues after a loved one has passed. Families often need help clearing spaces—like memory care units, hospice rooms, or rearranged living areas that once accommodated hospital beds. These are emotionally difficult tasks that many don’t have the time or emotional bandwidth to manage. A death doula can step in to help with grace, respect, and compassion.

Grieving doesn't end at the funeral. Support from a doula can continue long after to ensure families have what they need to move forward with healing, not overwhelm.

This work can also continue far after a person has passed on. Coordinating the clearing out spaces from memory care units, hospitals, nursing facilities or even removing hospital beds from spaces in the home that are sometimes turned into the hospice space for ease of mobility is a daunting task family often does not have time or emotional capacity to do. Grieving families need support long after their loved one is gone.